THE FALLEN ONES

22/6/2017
Today, I had a really bad day. I am not writing this to complain about how shitty my day was, I am not writing this to bring negativity into your life. Instead the reason i am writing this is because I wanna look back and show myself how far I have came, and that I never give up.

Its currently 4am in the morning and i cant sleep, what do i feel? Lost, Sad, and Lied upon.

I woke up today more excited than any other day, my heart filled with  happiness as i felt so complete. But why am i going to bed with this sense of lost, and sadness in my heart?

" It takes two hands to Clap" I've heard this phrase over a hundred times, repeating in my head. I wake up and its the first thing I remind myself of, So i put all my effort to try to make my life better. And it worked everything was perfect, well almost but I sincerely appreciated it. Just as I thought all these effort I had kept in was worth it, it all comes crumbling down. Indeed maybe it does take  two hands to clap.

After a relationship one stays loyal and deals with the damage while the other is in another relationship. I mean thats the cycle of a relationship isnt it? Strangers to friends then to best friend then to a girlfriend/boyfriend and it comes back down to friend and strangers, except its just strangers with memories this time.

The storm wont last for ever, and after the storm comes a beautiful rainbow. The worst type of crying is the silent one. The one when everyone is asleep. The one where you feel it in your throat and your eyes become blurry from the tears. The one where you just scream straight into the pillow hoping someone is there to comfort you. The one where you have to hold your breath and grab your stomach to be silent. The one where you find it hard to breath. The one where you can feel the pain in your chest as if every single line of muscle in your heart is tearing.The one when you realize everything you worked for is gone.

The irony is that I'm never shocked when people let me down nowadays. I just absolutely hate the fact that I put myself In a position to be  let down in the first place.

I am writing this because truth to be told, I have no one. The people I trusted screwed me over. As much as I feel like I should  just open the window and jump off, I know that I must never give up. This pain the significant other has created will one day go away, and everything will be perfect. It hurts so bad emotionally that I can feel it physically, how i hope that  there's someone right beside me who can care for me, show me love, and tell me everything going to be alright.  But truth to be told is that there's no one.

The saddest end to a relationship is one where you have to break up with somebody when you're still in love with them. It sounds crazy but it happens, because the truth is,  sometimes you continue to love someone no matter how much they have hurt you.

I dont really want to continue this blog anymore, not because I am tired but because i am really broken.
Goodnight